Kairos (n.): the perfect, delicate, crucial moment; the fleeting rightness of time and place that creates the opportune atmosphere for action, words, or movement.
This is the only word I could find to sum up this past week.
I finally took some time away; away from work, away from responsibilities, away from the city. I was blessed with the opportunity to stay in a house just yards away from the ocean-front of Southwest Washington.
This was the first time in a little over a year that I have been able to let myself fully relax and enjoy silence. There was no schedule, no plan, no expectations… just me, the ocean, and time.
I wasn’t alone. In fact, I am happy to say that what began as a weekend surrounded by strangers all coming together to celebrate the love of our dear friends, ended with an abundance of friendships and authentic connections. However, with the exception of the wedding festivities, there was no expectation for me to be anywhere or to be anyone. I had full freedom to follow my feet in any given moment.
And I did! Right to the ocean. Every. single. morning!
I could write pages and pages on how much I love the ocean. But, my favorite part about it is that you can stare into it for hours and never get sick of it. It feels like home, but with a hint of mystery that keeps you wanting more.
My body naturally awoke each day with the gentle pull of my heart summoning me to lace up my Nike’s and run alongside the endless waves.
Instant peace. Instant joy. Instant clarity.
Mile after mile I let my lungs take in the fresh, salty air; my skin soaked in the warm rays of sun that peaked between the clouds; my mind wandered aimlessly through all the dreams that had become hazy under the pressures of daily life.
I became overwhelmed with the purity of the moment… kairos… and needed to stop. I planted my rear right into the sand, letting the waves kiss my toes, and I leaned back onto my elbows, locking my eyes onto the horizon.
This was the moment I needed: a moment of pure authenticity.
It’s funny isn’t it? That the one voice we should be listening to most often is the hardest to hear? Or is it that we just don’t know how to listen? Despite the lack of audible words our soul-voice sends through our body, it will always try to get our attention.
Mine comes out in a variety of forms: extreme emotion, unexplainable loneliness, exhaustion, and confusion. But, most notably it’s the heart pull. It’s the hollow gut-wrenching that makes me constantly ask myself “is this my life?”
As I did back on the Appalachian Trail, I let my heart be truly honest: “My job is eating me alive. I currently feel unfulfilled, unappreciated, and uncertain about what the future holds.” I let myself go on… “I wonder if I made a mistake moving to the city. It’s loud, and lonely, and I don’t feel like I have anywhere safe to run… I miss running.” My brain word-vommitted, as usual… “MAVERICK is something great, but I am afraid that I’m the only one who sees it. Do I really have a plan? What if I am the only one who thinks it’s worth it? I don’t want to do it alone. What if I start another business and it fails? I don’t want to fail again.”
Are you guys feeling this? What’s your story? What are your fears? What is the dream you’ve let fall to the wayside of reason and expectation? What are the things that you do or think about that give you that undeniable heart-pull? Do you let yourself explore it?
Sit with me. Sink your tush into the sand, turn off your headphones, and let your mind roll with the waves. Let the racket in your head work its way out. Because that’s when the magic happens, in the silence.
Eyes unwavering from the horizon, the vision I felt in my soul became clearer than it ever had before.
Inevitably, I returned home. To my job, to my responsibilities, to my city. My circumstances haven’t changed, but I have. My soul is begging me to pour more into MAVERICK. And it doesn’t matter what my day-job is, all that matters is I’ve made a decision. I’ve said “yes.”
That’s really all that stands between us and our goals. It’s a decision.
You want to eat healthier? Decide.
You want to wake up earlier? Decide.
You want to have a more grateful heart? Decide.
Yes, actions need to follow. But, when you decide, really, truly decide, those actions come naturally. Since returning home I’ve written more than ever, I’ve reached out to contacts who’ve offered to help me with design and websites, I bought a domain name (www.findyourmaverick.com), and I’ve begun budgeting my time and money towards the things that will bring me closer to the MAVERICK vision.
These aren’t new things. They’ve been on my to-do list for weeks. But excuses, fears, and other’s expectations of me have taken priority.
Until I decided.
There are consequences to deciding. And seeing as how most of my readers are friends and co-workers, consider this a little PSA regarding my life. I am making changes. I want to be different. I understand that a few months ago I was the “yes-woman” who worked 50+ hours a week with a smile on her face, was always down for a beer (or two, or three) after work, and who filled every free moment with day-hikes, coffee-dates and movie-nights… and now I say “no” a lot. I miss you too, friends. Really, I do. We all know how much I love people and value friendship.
But, I made a decision.
I need my attention. MAVERICK needs my attention. That means my free time consists of writing, website design, and entrepreneurial education. That means I’ll be eating differently, sleeping differently, acting differently, and being differently.
It’s a good decision.
Trust me. Trust my soul. Trust the universe. And continue to love me. Because if I own this right now, if I pour everything I have into this, and follow my intuition… there will be greatness; a greatness that extends way beyond you or me.
I honestly believe I have the power inside me to change the world. MAVERICK is that expression of power. I finally said “yes.”
I hope this post empowers you to say yes to your soul-vision, whatever that may be. And I hope that you feel employed to support me, and each other, as we continue to say “yes” to the things that are way beyond ourselves.
I’ve said it a thousand times and I’ll say it again… there’s nothing this world needs more than for us to be exactly who we are.
And so begins the next season of this journey: the building. I’ve done a lot of writing about inspiration, motivation, and doubt. I have a journal full of topics for the weeks to come (another “thank you” to the gloriousness that was my vacation!). I hope you continue to invest in all that MAVERICK is by finding what it means to you and joining me as I grow alongside you. #livingoutloud